Christmas Time

I am so very blessed and have so many people to be thankful for but for some reason there is still that place where you belonged, that especially at this time of year,

 hurts the most and feels the most empty.

Six Christmases with you and now your not there anymore.

Lord, please give me peace.

Prayers The Avail Much Prayers and Deliverance Prayers

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http://www.schizophrenia-info.info/deliverance_prayers.htm

Defeated?

Why do we as Christians (or many of us) live such defeated lives?

Do we choose to?

Or is it something else?

Maybe a combination of things?

But God did not call us to live defeated lives; but to be victorious and to have life and life more abundantly. (John 10:10)

Yes, Satan comes but to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) 

But do we sometimes enable him to and even help him out?

I believe that we do.

Eating Satan's lies.

Drinking from his corruption. 

Believing his false promises.

Getting so caught up in it all and our own minds.

And we fail.

We fall short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23).

So when does it stop?

When we truly repent?

When we submit to God?

When we decide that enough is enough?

When we rid our lives of ALL unrighteousness?

Or ever?

Is there really...

Hope for the hopeless?

Rest for the restless?

Faith for the faithless?

Love for the lost?

Wow...yea so I guess those are just a few things on my heart and mind lately.

I have felt lately, just like the last time I backslid, that there is no reason for me to ask for forgiveness again because I am scared that I will just continue to circle the same mountain. 


To repent means:
...to turn from your evil ways (2 Kings 17:13).
...to turn from all transgressions (Ezekiel 18:30). 
...to lose your life (Mark 8:35).


And so far I guess that I have not completely repented because I circle around and stare back into the same problems again and again.
So I wonder, is it even worth asking forgiveness and saying I repent?
I do believe it in my heart, I'm not just going through the motions, but I continue to repeat my foolish acts.


I have been a dirty, nasty dog. A foolish person. (Proverbs 26:11)


I started to think last night as the Lord was dealing with me at Celebrate Recovery, do addicts deal with these feelings? (And I would think some other Christians, maybe not addicts, do too but none have said so to me.) And if so, how do they/did they deal with it? In relapse did they feel as bad convicted as I do at times? And if so what made them continue to come back and eventually get though it and be completely SET FREE!!!?


I understand that a lot of my anguish is in my mind; making things worse than they are and feeding myself lies. I feel so selfish and silly when I see things others are going through and then look at what I am facing. 
But in saying that, it feels as bad as if I was an addict. 
Or if I just lost a loved one. 
Or if my marriage was falling apart. 
And so many other things. 
I physically ache.
I am emotionally alone.
I spiritually yearn for more.


Almost like I am still searching for something to fill that void.
But I thought I did that already by accepting Jesus?
No, I probably didn't because He has never been Lord of my life.


I am saved-I don't doubt that.
God has not left me-I know that.
So now it's my decision...
God has already done all He needs to do for me. 
I just have to accept it. 

Lord, help me.

Why can I not just let go of something?

Something that isn't completely beneficial to me anymore...

Something not based in God anymore...

Something that I have my emotions so tightly wound in...

Even when it is pretty obvious that it's over?

That it's not what they want anymore?

Seriously, what am I doing?!

There are no promises for any results or outcome...

No indication even really that that's what they want...

So what am I doing?!

Why? Why have I done this to myself and put myself in pain?

Because I have made this thing...this person...a god in my life.

I have put him above God. On a pedestal. In a high place.

Somewhere he can never live up to and therefore never completely sastify me.

Somewhere that has made me hurt him even. :(

I have tried time and again to change things, to take a different approach.

Nothing ever works.

I gave up and gave it to God.

I backslid. Feel back into the comfort of him.

Now I am back climbing again.

I don't know how to be successful at this and get back to where I need and want to be with God.

All I know to do is trust in Him.

Jesus, meet me where I am.

Lord, help me.

‪Hater Shades...NOPE!! Love Glasses!!

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FREEDOM!!!‬‏

YouTube - ‪Jason Upton - Freedom‬‏

Keeping God #1

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her." 
— Maya Angelou

Wow, that quote is so powerful to me. 

Wouldn't it be so great if people really followed this and 
so many scriptures supporting this?

How many less broken, used, hurting, hopeless and 
lost people would there be?

Where would I be?

I am not perfect, I still make mistakes and I still have feelings of hopelessness that I know I shouldn't because God will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). I feel the need to urge people, women of all ages especially, to please try to follow this quote and continue to follow it even after you have found that man. Believe me, it is so easy to start something correctly and it end 5 years later because it got off track and lost the all important center focus; GOD. 


Don't put so much hope in people either, even your significant other, because people are people; they will let you down. Even the most perfectly Godly person will let someone down at some point in time. We need to continually put our expectations in God and God alone. He will never let us down. He will sustain us (Psalm 55:22). He will always love us. 

Hold Me

http://youtu.be/ISgr8SgCYbY