Defeated?

Why do we as Christians (or many of us) live such defeated lives?

Do we choose to?

Or is it something else?

Maybe a combination of things?

But God did not call us to live defeated lives; but to be victorious and to have life and life more abundantly. (John 10:10)

Yes, Satan comes but to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10) 

But do we sometimes enable him to and even help him out?

I believe that we do.

Eating Satan's lies.

Drinking from his corruption. 

Believing his false promises.

Getting so caught up in it all and our own minds.

And we fail.

We fall short of the Glory of God (Romans 3:23).

So when does it stop?

When we truly repent?

When we submit to God?

When we decide that enough is enough?

When we rid our lives of ALL unrighteousness?

Or ever?

Is there really...

Hope for the hopeless?

Rest for the restless?

Faith for the faithless?

Love for the lost?

Wow...yea so I guess those are just a few things on my heart and mind lately.

I have felt lately, just like the last time I backslid, that there is no reason for me to ask for forgiveness again because I am scared that I will just continue to circle the same mountain. 


To repent means:
...to turn from your evil ways (2 Kings 17:13).
...to turn from all transgressions (Ezekiel 18:30). 
...to lose your life (Mark 8:35).


And so far I guess that I have not completely repented because I circle around and stare back into the same problems again and again.
So I wonder, is it even worth asking forgiveness and saying I repent?
I do believe it in my heart, I'm not just going through the motions, but I continue to repeat my foolish acts.


I have been a dirty, nasty dog. A foolish person. (Proverbs 26:11)


I started to think last night as the Lord was dealing with me at Celebrate Recovery, do addicts deal with these feelings? (And I would think some other Christians, maybe not addicts, do too but none have said so to me.) And if so, how do they/did they deal with it? In relapse did they feel as bad convicted as I do at times? And if so what made them continue to come back and eventually get though it and be completely SET FREE!!!?


I understand that a lot of my anguish is in my mind; making things worse than they are and feeding myself lies. I feel so selfish and silly when I see things others are going through and then look at what I am facing. 
But in saying that, it feels as bad as if I was an addict. 
Or if I just lost a loved one. 
Or if my marriage was falling apart. 
And so many other things. 
I physically ache.
I am emotionally alone.
I spiritually yearn for more.


Almost like I am still searching for something to fill that void.
But I thought I did that already by accepting Jesus?
No, I probably didn't because He has never been Lord of my life.


I am saved-I don't doubt that.
God has not left me-I know that.
So now it's my decision...
God has already done all He needs to do for me. 
I just have to accept it.